My client's 20 year old has been super unapproachable and frankly difficult for a while. She assumed her adult -child- still-living- at- home was trying to assert her independence.
Her daughter has been sharp in her responses, unkind to those around her, going out as much as she can and on her own mission.
Last week her daughter started crying and could not stop. She's unsure of her future, of her place in the world and questioning herself and the meaning of so many things.
She's also really angry that her mom didn't pick it up. She told my client:". You're the mom, your meant to see if I'm going through something!!"
My client is an awesome mom! She tried to explain that often the daughter was unavailable for any conversation. And she's willing to look back and see that there were definitely times that she could have opened a conversation with this child. It was for sure easier not to, but she could have. But thankfully they're talking now and they will help her get through this really hard time.
The teen years are given so much attention. We're given so much information about what can go on and possible ways to handle it.
The kids post school/sherut/army can be in process of self questioning. Whether their path seems clear or not. They are trying to figure out where they fit in the world, what they think and who they really are.
It's a deep, hard, unstabilizing process. Let's make sure they know we've got them while they do this.
Here are some ideas of checking in with your young adult child: 1. Take time to connect. Even if they seem unavailable. 2. See if you can spend one on one time with them. 3. Ask them open questions about themselves. 4. listen much more than speak. They know your opinions. Do you know theirs? 5. Give them small somethings to let them know you're thinking of them. Like a food they like from the supermarket. 6. Look in their eyes and tell them you love them, like really really love them.
Praying that all our children find their most positive life